i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
