today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
