My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
