They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
