My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
