If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
