I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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