So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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