gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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