I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
