it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
