Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
