can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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