it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
