She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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