My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
