Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
