Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
