just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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