You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
