I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
