I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
