I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
