"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
birth control should be required to get into college
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
