I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she peed on how many people?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
