yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
