i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
