I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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