So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize