So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
