i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.