My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
