I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.