about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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