He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
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Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.