i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.