My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's just like the Real World with babies
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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