All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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