I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
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you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
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Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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