i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
