My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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