Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
