I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
