Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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