I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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