What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
