You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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