I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
