dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
This house was built for laser tag.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
