Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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