I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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