I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
