you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
