Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
