I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize