what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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