I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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