my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
