Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
even my farts smell like vagina
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
