I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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