I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs