I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.