Christians are straight up FREAKS
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
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See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
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I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
