So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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