That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
