just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just high enough for therapy.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
