so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
