Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
