I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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