Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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