I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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