I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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