If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he thought i was a dude.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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