So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
