what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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