Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
