When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
