so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
