You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
